For a long time I tried to be tough. I tried not to be affected to any romance that somebody offered to me. I became over protective. I trusted no one.
This is how it happened. I love a guy before. I loved him with all my life. And I thought he also loved me in the same way. I fully trusted him, not even gave any doubts of betrayal. Then after 2 years of our relationship, the truth revealed. He has another girlfriend for a year. I was completely stupid. Nothing else I felt on that time except the extreme pain. Instead of hating him, I beg to him to be mine. I knew it was the most embarrassing thing to do, but all I wanted to happen on that time is he stays with me and we can start again. But, the time not really in favor with me. The girl was pregnant. Because of my love to him I offer him that we can support the child. I knew I became selfish. I didn’t knew what really the right thing to do on that time. But he refused and said he fall in love with the girl already. My heart was totally crushed by the dump truck. What more I can fight for if he already fall in love with the other girl? He didn’t love me anymore. He asked me to slap his face but I didn’t do. I wanted him to feel that he already hurt a person so well and the pain inside cannot replace by the pain he may received by slap. It was not easy for me to move on. I believed that if I forget about him then that will be the time I learn to forgive him. Every night I shed tears because of him. Then a friend of mine told me to forgive him first and then I can surely forget him. I admit that it was not easy for me to forgive. So, every night I ask God to send His Holy Spirit to help me to forgive a person who causes to much pain. Spiritual healing is the best healing for me. It worked and from time to time I learned to forgive him and forget about him. No heartaches every time we met accidentally in street or somewhere else. I thought my nightmare ended there. There are something changed on myself. I lost trust to any man; that is the truth. Every time there is man flirting to me I turned my back from him. I didn’t mind men shown interest because what on my mind, “what is then after I fall in love with you? You still leave me and will leave me too much pain”. Every time I saw couples that are really sweet I gave time limit on their relationship, I said to my self “sooner or later you will still apart.” 🙂 . That’s how bad I was. I felt that it wasn’t like me before. Being self pity, over protective, vigilant, lost trust to any one else and being sensitive. I really hate these feelings but I can’t get out from it. I guess, I need a man who is willing to help me to get out from it.
I am not a perfect woman I knew. But I still deserved to be love; the real love. For me, the precious thing in the world that you can offer to someone is Love. When I decided to love a person, I really do. I can give my whole heart to him. That is why, love for me is a very delicate thing. A risky thing. I opened my heart to someone again. Gave trust. In God’s blessings, I will be successful in my second chance of my love story.