Posted in Author's Opinions, BLOG

When I Need Him Most

It would be sounds so unfair to God if I will ask: “does true love really exist?” Or how should I ask that without offending Him? How should I find the answer if I won’t ask?

Should I need to bet again just to obtain the answer? And to get hurt again?

—Its sounds like a severe suicidal act.


And then, my uninvited visitor visits me again; the heartbreak.

—It tried to squeeze me out, and did its utmost strength in order for me to surrender the liquid from my eyes.

I am strong, I know.                   

I am smart, I insist.

I am a loving person, I swear.

I am sincere, I can prove.


I am patience, I compiled.

There are really some things that even how much I tried to fight, I still failed.

It was because;

The strong that I possessed was limited.

The smart that I tried to insist was dishonoured.

The love that I shared wasn’t acknowledged.

The sincerity that I acquired was taken for granted.


The patience that I compiled founds its death end.

I found out that;

I was weak, and I just realized.

I was stupid, and I regret.

I was soft, and I ashamed.

I was opened, and I failed.


I was persistent, and it ended.

And then, I let the pain embraces me; it’s a prize of loving.

Let God heals me.

Surrender and I’ll be healed.

Ask and I’ll be provided.

Lay on His arms and He will give me comfort.

Then, I let the liquid from my eyes flew… and God wept.

Simply because…


                                -In God’s will, my man will be back-

Hear His Voice:

Matthew 11:28-30 New International Version (NIV)

28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Posted in Author's Opinions, BLOG

My #Cherished Object; A Second-hand Netbook

Let me call it “he/him.”

Just let me… because at the time he became part of my life, I wasn’t feel alone at all. He knew my thoughts. He never complained; he just listened. And he became my best friend.

He is a second hand Netbook.

11701088_1002779893095276_8341774389981082869_nDon’t underestimate his tiny 7″x9″ in size, because he is powerful; he can bring me to the other side of the world. He introduced me to different people and they became my friends.

Don’t judge him of being second-rated, because early in the morning we always have talk and he made me slept very late at night. This is how close our bond is.

He is not a parasite of my life. As matter of fact, he opened more windows of opportunity to me; emotionally, socially, and spiritually. He helped me to realize my value by giving me a chance to think and to internalize about myself.

He uncovered the talent (writing) that I possessed which I never ever thought that I have. He is my unpaid mentor and my generous editor.

That is why I cherished him most; he is simple, yet he cared about me… at most.

This post is written for The Cherished BlogFest, hosted by Dan Antion, Damyanti Biswas, Paul Ruddock, Peter Nena, Sharukh Bamboat


John 3:16 (KJV)

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

Posted in BLOG, First Episode, Short Story, The Goldfish and the Lion

The Goldfish and the Lion

The story is about the collision of intractable circumstances;

The collision of:

Love vs. Pride

Family vs. Throne


Self-worth vs. Happiness


FIRST EPISODE – The First Meet

He has an exceptionally powerful muscular body which covered with tawny-yellow and brownish colour hair. He stands about four feet tall and his body has nine feet in length; from nose to tail. He’s weighing an approximately four hundred pounds.

Despite of how huge he is, his size and weight was not the hindrance for him to capture his prey; he can run up to thirty-five miles per hour. His toes have strong, curved, retractable claws up to three inches long. His fangs are like a well sharpened dagger which can crash out the spine of his prey.

There is no question why he became a king; whenever he spoke, everybody was listened. Whenever he passed, everybody was still. And whenever he gave command, everybody was followed.

—–Leo was his name; a king lion in the Kingdom of East Jungle.

He was so proud about his power, authority and strengths! There were no other important for him than his throne.

But even how strong and powerful he was, he still felt not contented and the reason was still a mystery for him.

One day, King Leo strolled throughout a kingdom, and then a lake opens up his attention. It was surrounded with lake-grasses with different colours of flowers wherein dragon flies were flying and landing on it.

The trees on its surroundings made its shady yet warm air; in view of the fact that, there were some parts of the lake that the sun can bounce off to its surface. The lake seems like so untouched.

He came closer and he was tempted to see himself in clear water. He appreciates his luxurious mane around his face. He felt so proud on his fearless eyes.

He also adored his mighty jaws and when he attempts to open it…


A plopping sound from a water as a fish breaks the surface.

The mood on his face changed. His eyes became vigilant as if he is chasing his delicious prey.

From the right corner of his eye, he saw black stone and the moderate ripples of water snatched his attention.

He then carefully stepped down into the lake; the water was about one and half feet deep. He slowly came closer to the place where ripples occurred.

He swiftly opened the stone by his powerful claws, and there, he found a spine-chilling face of a golden fish!

His aggressive-predator-eyed turned into a passionate-protector-eyed; when his eyes were locked into frightened eyes of a golden fish.

There is something special in this fish which he didn’t understand what it is. Even if her eyes were looked frightened but the sincerity and passion on her heart were still visible.

They were both still in that scene for about five seconds. Then, in a blink of an eye the golden fish has gone.

“Hey… where are you? Don’t be afraid… I promise… I will not hurt you. Trust me… ok…“ He heard himself pleading for the first time.

Suddenly, a deep orange and red colour fish came out from the shade of lilies. She swam elegantly with her contrasting white, semi-transparent flowing tail.

“There you are.” The king lion said when he saw her presence.

“My name is Leo. What’s yours?” he asked.

The golden fish swam nearest to him as if she was so confident that she can never be his prey. Her symmetrical pair of dorsal and caudal fin resembled as butterfly wings, gave her more exotic beauty; which made King Leo more admired.

“My name is Fantail.” she answered.

Since then, Fantail (the goldfish) and King Leo (the lion) developed trust to each other. Their friendship became deeper and they let themselves fall in love to each other.

They were both aware that there relationship was impossible but what they cared about was the whisper of their heart.

They promised that whatever happened they keep holding on and never think to give up. For them, if miracle is impossible, they believed that they can make it possible in the name of love.

                                                  —————TO BE CONTINUED————–

Hear His Voice

1 Corinthians 13:4-10 English Standard Version (ESV)

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.


Posted in Author's Opinions, BLOG

Two Words in Order to Win Your Job Interview

Then I answered, “My friend told me that this company processes applications so fast, that is why I am here.”


It was the first time of my life to be invited in a job interview. A day before, I did research about the company profile, the job description, and some possible questions and answers in an interview.

I thought I was ready on that time, but all I have studied were blocked inside my nervous system because I felt so tensed when my name called to get inside of the office; it was my turned. I convinced myself to focus, but, as a first timer like me I was trapped on my own nervousness.

When I entered the room, the smile of two corporate women welcomes me, which made me calmed down a little bit.

As what I expected, I forgot some of what I researched, which were really asked by the interviewers. At that time, all I brought was my honesty on answering the questions; even it was a simple answer. By that, I gained more confident on answering.

This is my memorable winning piece question and answer during the interview;

“Why are you applying in this company?”

Then I answered;

“My friend told me that this company processes applications so fast, that is why I am here.”

The two women in front of me became freeze. Their face went slacked, mouth slightly opened and their eyes stocked on me and I am also looking at them with an eye to an eye.

After few seconds with those reactions, they suddenly moved and looked at each other and lines besides their lips revealed as if they were slightly smiling.

I am not sure what stuffs were running on their minds, yet, I didn’t care; what they heard were just honesty and that was only the best respond which I am going to say than thinking of the best answers that were based from what I read from my researched.

Since it was my first time for an interview, my four brothers were so excited to know if how it was. Of course, I shared to them what really happened; about the questions and answers and also the reactions of two corporate hiring personnel.

Suddenly, a loud laughed cracked the entire house!

Then our eldest brother said;

“I can’t believe you say that! You are so brave! And frank!”

“And innocent.” Our second brother added.

“Maybe it’s better that next time you may add some spices on your answer. But believed me sister, your answer was awesome!” eldest brother said.

After so much teases, advises and praises (or so whatever I should call that) which I received from my brothers, I realized how jerk I was.

“I let this first step of my opportunity to start my career passed.” This line played on my thought that night.

I then understand about the reactions of two hiring personnel. Maybe they also expected to get an answer that most of the applicants told to them.

Slowly, I felt embarrassment for my entire self. I wanted to undo everything happened on that day. Maybe the two hiring personnel will not forget about me and they might laugh when I went out.

Then I was right. The hiring personnel didn’t forget about me. Two days after, I received a call from them and they invited me for the second interview!


For my second interview, I had an honest conversation with the hiring manager. I gained more confident on having a conversation with her.

Until the next two days after my second interview, I was invited for the final interview with the company owner. At this time, I felt so nervous but I keep reminding myself just be honest and I asked God for guidance.

Then the company owner asked me a shot-gun question;

“Why is it your accounting grades are poor?”

Therefore, I responded her with my bullet proof vest answer with a smile.

“Yes ma’am, they are. Actually ma’am I am living with my four brothers and one female cousin, and, at home we are two girls inside the house but I am responsible for household chores, even if they helped me but still I am responsible for it. When I went home from school, instead of studying I went to kitchen to cook dinner for us. So after doing household responsibilities, I felt tired and don’t have time to study.”

Oh my gosh! I know it was not a valid excused but maybe it was a valid truth.

“So, you mean that these grades were just lacked of study? Weren’t they?” the company owner follow up question.

“Yes ma’am.” I quickly responded with a little smile on my face and my eyes were looking at her eyes too. Looked like, I was waiting on how she’s going to react.

With that reaction on my face, the company owner responded me with a smile too.

“Ok Jean. Welcome to the company. Is it ok for you to be assigning in Regulatory Department?”

“Anywhere ma’am, yes, I am.” I responded.

Job interview is like jumping in a hole of a needle. It is a clash of emotions and wisdom.

But in order to win from your job interview, there are only two words in order to win it;

Simply, BE HONEST.

Hear His Words:

1 Corinthians 1:25-26 NIV

“25 For the foolishness of God is wiser than man’s wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man’s strength.
26 Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth.”
Posted in BLOG, Writings

Why I Keep Writing?

I am not tough at school when I was on my schooling life. Not even got higher grades in English class. In every spelling drill I always got lower scores.

I hate spelling drill for it was really a torture for me!


It is true that I started writing when I was in high school but my grammar, words that I used or even spellings were so shamed. I didn’t use Microsoft Word before, therefore, my works were not corrected, and thus, I kept those works just only for myself.

Nobody told me to do writing. Nobody influenced me to do either. I am not surrounded with writers, yet my heart whispered to me that I belong in the world of writings.

Eventually, I let myself fuelled with knowledge by searching, reading and practice my writing. I let myself to be an addicted reader.

I became an avid reader of inspirational articles. I became a secret fan of ordinaries or known writers.

From being a word hater I became a vocabulary lover. I discovered that there are lots of words that I need to know; words that I never encountered before or not even thought that those words were existed.

What impressed me most for being a newbie of writing is that through this, I feel freedom, I can express what my heart wanted to say and I became an open minded person.

Writing ameliorates not only my technical side but also my emotional and spiritual level.

God let me fall in love on writing. As if there is something special that He wanted me to do. I wanted to know and I am willing to do, for He mostly uses people to be able to hear His voice and to be able to spread His love; and it is my pleasure to be His servant.

Thus, I keep writing.

Hear His Words:

Colossians 3:17 New International Version (NIV)                

“17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”

Posted in BLOG

What My Heart Yelling

I found myself looking blankly of nowhere.


Silently, I am embracing the pain that my heart which is slowly breaking. I can’t help myself to stay away from being pessimist, which I’ve been struggling lately. I am frightened about of dark cloud slowly covering the little light of hope. My breath is combating from the tightening of my throat. I am fighting my tears back which desperately wanted to come out. I am now struggling from the playful characteristic of confusion.

I can’t help myself to stop thinking if he is just part of my illusions. I am afraid of the changes he shown to me. I feel rejected that broke my heart so badly…

Suddenly, I heard a whisper; a whisper from my soul. It encourages me to step back from my negative imaginations. It reminds me to be vigilant of my flaws; of being too sensitive. It slowly came towards me and shields my whole thoughts. It’s trying to resist the negative feelings that playing inside of me and trying to turn it into more affirmatives sensations.

Certainly, I realize what my heart was yelling; it is simply a sweet caress; a caress from him and my heart will be at rest.

Posted in Author's Opinions, BLOG

What Life offers to Me

My brain is blank, as blank as the white page in my computer screen. It’s almost an hour since I stared the blinking cursor in this blank page.


My heart yelling something that my brain can’t point out what its mean. No… my heart feel that life is so unfair, which my brain choose not to understand the reality about how bias life is;

Yes, I have a job; yet, it still I didn’t feel satisfaction and security.

Yes, my family is always there for me; yet, I still feel guilt if I can’t provide them the better life.

Yes, I fuelled my heart with full of love; yet, I feel that I slowly lost my self-respect.

Yes, I invest trust; yet, I still affected of the deceiving game of confusion.

Yes, I am smiling; yet, deep inside my heart suffers in the midst of isolation.

Yes, I have life; yet, I observed that I’m not moving.

I wish life has a reformat button; if you feel tired what goes in yourself, you just tapped that button and you will forget the bad memories you have. That you will forget the messes you’ve done from the past. That you will forget people who hurt you and who trying their best just to pull you down. The sad fact is life is not like that.

Life is real and you need to live it, whether you like it or not. You have to let go the fantasies which trying to secrete the real face about life.  You have to solve the matters that keep gnawing deep inside of your heart. You have to face it and be conscious whatever deceiving circumstances in the future. Life is like a battle field; you need strengths and courage in order to survive.

I’ve done frivolous decisions which caused procrastination of moving forward. I wish having a pseudonym; I can easily run out from the completed tale of my woes. However, in reality there is no undo, yet, life offers a huge space of chances which invites us to embrace the challenges that life brings to us.

Indeed, I still wish that I am like the leaves in the tress; the windier it is, the merrier they are.