My brain is blank, as blank as the white page in my computer screen. It’s almost an hour since I stared the blinking cursor in this blank page.
My heart yelling something that my brain can’t point out what its mean. No… my heart feel that life is so unfair, which my brain choose not to understand the reality about how bias life is;
Yes, I have a job; yet, it still I didn’t feel satisfaction and security.
Yes, my family is always there for me; yet, I still feel guilt if I can’t provide them the better life.
Yes, I fuelled my heart with full of love; yet, I feel that I slowly lost my self-respect.
Yes, I invest trust; yet, I still affected of the deceiving game of confusion.
Yes, I am smiling; yet, deep inside my heart suffers in the midst of isolation.
Yes, I have life; yet, I observed that I’m not moving.
I wish life has a reformat button; if you feel tired what goes in yourself, you just tapped that button and you will forget the bad memories you have. That you will forget the messes you’ve done from the past. That you will forget people who hurt you and who trying their best just to pull you down. The sad fact is life is not like that.
Life is real and you need to live it, whether you like it or not. You have to let go the fantasies which trying to secrete the real face about life. You have to solve the matters that keep gnawing deep inside of your heart. You have to face it and be conscious whatever deceiving circumstances in the future. Life is like a battle field; you need strengths and courage in order to survive.
I’ve done frivolous decisions which caused procrastination of moving forward. I wish having a pseudonym; I can easily run out from the completed tale of my woes. However, in reality there is no undo, yet, life offers a huge space of chances which invites us to embrace the challenges that life brings to us.
Indeed, I still wish that I am like the leaves in the tress; the windier it is, the merrier they are.