It’s been more than a week since I exude those lyrics from my heart; a week of singing, hoping to be heard. Those lines were such a very sad melody in everybody’s ears. Those were sound self-pity, betrayal and hopeless.
A deep feeling of pain for what I thought was an unrequited love. That reverberated echo which blaming me that I am the reason of my insidious pain. Precious tears had been already shed. I let this sense of melancholy managed my entire self.
Too many questions to ask why;
-Why is it happened to me? Why he left me? Why is it too hurt…?-
…And keep asking why…?
After more than a week of combating this unending confusion, I found myself that I keep asking “wh” interrogative phrases…
…But at this time… those are in the other sense…
–Why I am easily deviates from my hurtful emotions? Why I am ready to welcome another person again? And why is it feels so light now?-
Theories built up into my mind. Perhaps, I already received the Grace of God which I asked Him during the doomsday of my romantic life. Perhaps, I am just a strong woman who’s willing to let go of the things that are not really for her. Or worst, maybe I wasn’t really the lucky woman who won the precious “Love”, yet became a victim from the game of a treacherous infatuation.
There’s a little guilt that modestly slaps over my face. Those sleepless nights, those puffy eyes and those dramas at night, made me feel ashamed at this time.
Please forgive me those times. Let me use my defensive armoured thoughts at this moment. I had a wrong point-of-view about “love”.
Gosh! I was so dumb, I knew.
Infatuation is the preeminent impostor of love. It is invariably hoaxing the innocence of love. It can manipulate happiness that a love most proudly can bring. It can even bring us heartaches to make it more believable that it’s love. But when this dark nimbus clouds uncovered the truth, this naughty infatuation stays behind you.
Celebrating its victory, possibly.
While this innocent bona fide love of yours remained untouched. It humbly waits for someone to water, able for it to thrive. It patiently endured the cruelty of infatuation, which recently enjoyed it’s colonization in someone’s self.
Indeed, love is so fragile to be defined by any human.
On the other hand, I still wanted to know;
“What mystery lurking behind my smile at this moment?”
Hear His Voice:
Psalm 27:5-7New International Version (NIV)
5 For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent
and set me high upon a rock.
6 Then my head will be exalted
above the enemies who surround me;
at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make music to the Lord.
7 Hear my voice when I call, Lord;
be merciful to me and answer me.